The First Time I Thought: Maybe I Can Actually Do This

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I wish I could tell you there was one big moment.

Something dramatic.

Some movie scene where I stood on top of a hill looking over the land, wind blowing through my hair, suddenly realising:

"This is it. I’m a farmer now."

There wasn't.

It happened quietly.

So quietly that I almost missed it.

I think it was somewhere between all the ordinary moments.

Harvesting vegetables and carrying them into the kitchen.

Checking on the animals before the day started.

Opening jars of ferments and noticing they were becoming something entirely different from when they first began.

Picking herbs without needing to think about whether they were ready.

Looking at a plant and knowing something wasn't quite right before I could even explain why.

Small things.

Things I would never have noticed years ago.

I realised one day that I had stopped searching for every answer online.

I wasn't reaching for my phone every five minutes.

I wasn't second-guessing every decision.

Somewhere along the way, instinct had quietly started appearing.

Not because I suddenly knew everything.

Far from it.

I still learn something almost every day.

I still make mistakes.

I still lose plants.

I still wonder what I’m doing sometimes.

But there was a moment I remember standing in the garden and realising something had changed.

I wasn't trying to become somebody else anymore.

I wasn't trying to become a farmer.

I was simply becoming me.

A version of me that still loves beautiful things.

Still loves food.

Still loves creativity.

Still loves storytelling.

Just with dirt under my nails now.

Looking back, I think I spent years believing life moved in straight lines.

Corporate world.

Movie industry.

Then farming.

As if one life ended and another began.

But maybe that's not true at all.

Maybe every version of ourselves simply comes along for the journey.

The city girl never disappeared.

She just learned how to grow things.